Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize