we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
