He is an equal opportunity slut.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
