your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
