I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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