How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
