dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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