So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
