I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
