there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
