yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
