Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
