As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize