Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
