Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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