the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
