conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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