HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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