She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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