I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
