I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
