You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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