i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
