You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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