in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
