...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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