It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
