Your mouth is God's brothel.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
