You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
