"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
