she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All the doctor said was why
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
