I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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