is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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