I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
