okay pat passed out under dana's car
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize