My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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