I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
