We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They took my balls.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
