my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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