just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
