naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
