what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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