I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
