so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he was CRYING into my vagina
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
