I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize