the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
