She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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