That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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