I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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