I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize