I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
