If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Farmville is her only friend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
