I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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