New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
