Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.

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(512): View more from Texas

got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule

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(949): View more from California

dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat

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(303): View more from Colorado

dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.

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(903): View more from Texas

All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.

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(719): View more from Colorado

No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.

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(519): View more from Ontario

He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.

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(347): View more from New York

....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.

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