so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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