Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
