alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
