U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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