areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it's like iHOP with fire
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
