I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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