I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
