Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
