Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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