I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
