He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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