It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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