And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
