I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
