I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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